Thousand Dollar Listing, Caribbean

There’s no doubt that real estate virtuoso Ryan Serhant is a past master. Agreed?

Pretty much everything he has touched has turned to gold.

He has sold billions of dollars’ worth of big city real estate. His TV show, Million Dollar Listing, New York, as a blockbuster. His first book, Sell it Like Serhant, was a well-deserved bestseller. And his second book, Big Money Energy, was even better.

The only problem he has now is this: Who in the heck wants to buy property in New York City when the once-thriving metropolis is now a ghost town. And you need permission from the ever vigilant (and virulent) city hall monitors even to grab a sandwich or walk the dog.

Let’s face it: If you really want to be a hermit, there are about a million and one places across the US where you can sit alone in the dark and contemplate your navel a whole lot cheaper than the now-closed-for-business (or pleasure), contumacious, contentious Crab Apple.

Hole in the Wall, Wyoming, comes to mind.

True, it hasn’t boasted much of a wild time since the Wild Bunch. But at least you won’t have William Wilhelm -- aka: Bill DeBlasio (one can’t help but feel sorry for the Italians whose culture he bogusly appropriated) -- breathing down your neck, accusing you of being a disease-ridden vermin if you happen to walk out the door without a salve mask or get within six feet of your nearest relative.  

But why settle for a ghost town in the middle of nowhere – when you can have the sun, sand, and surf, the home of your dreams, and the freedom to live your own life on your own terms for a price Ryan Serhant would consider pocket change…

And you would consider the bargain of a lifetime?

Right now, Central and South America are a “buyers’ market.” But it is not likely to stay that way for long as a burgeoning number of Americans get fed up – to the gills – with an ever-increasing plethora of onerous new federal, state, and local laws, rules, regulations, and decrees. Not to mention, soaring inflation and skyrocketing taxes.

No wonder that daily, more and more Americans are looking longingly at the “Good Life at a Great Price” south of the border. They know that there they’ll find a better life without the strife. Plus, they realize that Janis Joplin notwithstanding, freedom is not “just another word for nothing left to lose.” Freedom is now another word for someplace else to go.

In short, they are opting out of oppression -- by moving south. And, perhaps, before it’s too late, you should too.

That’s why, each and ever Monday on Coffee with Carib Carter, your humble host features a property to die for (or, more precisely, to blissfully live in) on the highly popular segment called “Thousand Dollar Listing, Caribbean.”

And that is bargain price is not a misprint.

The homes – stunningly beautiful, spacious, and in gorgeous locales – really do list for mere thousands of dollars. Though, were they in similar locales anywhere in the US, many of them would go for millions. (If you could even find them in in a country where beachfront properties and mountaintop retreats have become about as rare as penny candy at the ‘five & dime.’)

All in all, over the past several months, the “Thousand Dollar Listing, Caribbean” segment of Coffee with Carib Carter has featured more than 30 separate beautiful, bargain-priced homes throughout Central and South America that sell for considerably less, or just slightly more, than $50,00 to $100,000. And they are myriad.

As the Ol’ Professor, Casey Stengel, used to say, “And you can look it up”:
  • Uruguay – Two bedroom apartment with terrace in Punta Del Este, on the tip of the peninsula, between Punta del Este's lovely marina and the residential area near the lighthouse. The nearest beach, Playa de los Ingleses, is only 150 meters away. Two bedrooms, a living room with a large window with view of the palm trees, bathroom with shower, kitchen. Price: $50,000
  • Guatemala – New home for sale in Ciudad San Cristobal. Two story: 3 bedrooms,2 1/2 baths, master bedroom with tiled master bath and walk-in closet. Sunken living room, dining room, family room, office/den, large laundry with incorporated water cistern storage and pump. Service quarters with bath. Kitchen with full mahogany cabinets. Two car garage. House has never been lived in. Price: $90,000
  • Honduras – Beautiful beach cottages and large, spacious villas in La Ceiba Beach Club community. The majority of the properties are beachfront or ocean view. With the beach breezes and view ... you can't go wrong:
    • $35,000 direct beachfront lots
    • $49,000 2 bedroom/1 bath beach cottage only steps from the beach
    • $97,000 2 bedroom/3 bath villa, terrace and upgrades, move in ready
(PS: This is where Carib Carter has just bought his oceanfront home!)
  • Nicaragua – Well-appointed suites, one and two-bedroom homes for sale in the luxurious Las Perlas Oceanfront Villa. Community includes a swimming pool, gardens, and a new and expanded club house for owners and guests to enjoy. With drinks in hand, owners and guests gather daily to witness phenomenal sunsets from the infinity pool that overlooks the crashing surf. Price: $139,000
  • Dominican Republic – Villa apartment in small, gated community of Star Hills, considered to have the finest beaches on the island. Two en suite bedrooms. Sitting/dining room with beautiful arched windows. Kitchenette adjoins sitting room. Balconies off sitting room and second bedroom. Nearby amenities include a Robert Trent Jones golf club. Short ride to beautiful beaches. Price: $75,000
  • Panama – Grand Highlands is a tropical community conveniently located between of Boquete and David. Two-bedroom, one-bath homes feature mountain views, natural creeks and streams running through the property and communal orchards and gardens. Ideal location for nature lovers who enjoy a quiet setting, yet close enough to the city when needed. Price: $149,900
Ryan Serhant, eat your heart out.

And you... Well, the smart money would tell you to get your checkbook out and grab up one of these properties – or something similar somewhere else south of the border – before the madding crowd runs you over and tramples you under. So, forget about Ryan, the Crab Apple or Hole in the Wall -- and start setting your sights on your place in the sun… sooner rather than later!
Caribbean Home by Jeremy Bezanger is licensed under Unsplash

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